What It's Worth
by HappyEmoUsagi
Summary: She couldn't say when any of it had started. When she'd fallen for her best friend, when she'd convinced herself she loved the other one. Deathly Hallows Compliant. HarryxHermione


She couldn't say when any of it had started. When she'd fallen for her best friend, when she'd convinced herself she loved the other one.

Granted she loved both of them, but in drastically different ways. With one it was a friend love, it'd been a kind of brotherly love at one point, but had long since grown past that (after all one wouldn't snog or have sex with their brother).

It was awkward between them at the moment, they'd just recently stopped having sex and now she found out she was about three months pregnant. She and Ron had decided to stay together for the sake of the baby, and it's not like it was a loveless marriage just a platonic one. Ron knew she was fine with him having lovers, as long as they came no where near their home.

Being two of the Golden Trio definitely had it's disadvantages with the war being long over and there little to gossip about save for the lives of her and her friends.

Where was Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived-Twice, you may ask?

Hermione saw him and his wife Ginny along with their infant son James, quite often—they lived right down the block after all.

It was the sweetest torment she could ever imagine, even considering everything that had happened at the Malfoy Manor all those years ago.

Hermione Jean Granger-Weasley has many big unresolved questions, that haunt her. One of the biggest would have to be, 'When did she fall for Harry?' Followed closely by, 'Why did I never tell him? Not even now.' Well, she sort of knew the answer to the second question, and guesses for the first. She was terrified of him rejecting her, after all they'd been through, all they'd accomplished. Not too mention she wasn't sure what his feelings were. Would he leave Ginny for her? His son? Could she do this to her unborn baby? If she confessed would it ruin her and Harry's friendship? Her and Ginny's? There were so many sub-questions and so many variables she didn't like to entertain the possibility of even hoping, but even so she hoped.

Even though she wished for his happiness much more than her own, she hoped he wanted her every bit as much, if not more so, than she wanted him.

She wondered if the sound of her name made his heart skip a beat, if the sight of her made it hard not to smile like an idiot for **days**, if the possibility of seeing her (even if the chance was next to none) made it almost hard to breathe from want. If the desire for her grew and grew until it felt like it would consume him.

Just like what she felt for him. For years.

He didn't even know the depth of her devotion. He couldn't know that she somehow convinced herself that she was in love with Ron, simply to be closer to him. What better way to stay near Harry than to marry the brother of the girl—sorry the woman that Harry was in love with. That way every major holiday, she'd see him; maybe even convince herself for a short while that they were there together. Convince herself that James was her son, that she was pregnant with his baby. Thank Merlin that she never got drunk at the holidays, talk about awkward conversations.

She really didn't understand how none of the Weasley's saw obsession with Harry. Sometimes she was sure she'd seen Ginny acknowledge her interest in Harry, very subtlety, but Ginny was also confident enough in her position as 'The Chosen One's Wife and Baby Mama' to see Hermione as much of a threat.  
Ginny and Harry's personal like a complete mystery to Hermione. They were all still close friends so, Hermione knew almost everything, like how Ginny's pregnancy went, how little Teddy was doing in Primary School, and even how Harry was in bed (as if her already vivid fantasies needed any more fodder), but whether they were genuinely happy or just doing a fantastic job pretending like her and Ron was a complete mystery. And she couldn't even think of being bold enough to ask, but she was dying to know.

She knew Ginny was happy enough, being married to Harry, and having an adorable and healthy son, plus she was a rather successful reporter for the Sports section of the Daily Prophet. It was Harry who was the mystery. Whether he harbored secret lusty thought for her, like she did for him, is completely unknown.

She swore Molly had figured it out last Christmas, Molly seemed to be paying extra attention to her, she had just had a miscarriage not even a two months and half months ago, and Hermione was convinced that she had noticed the way her eyes screamed 'Harry! I'm over here! Look at me! Look at me please! Can't you see how much I want you? How much I **need** you?' However, the entire evening and even New Year's passed without a thing being mentioned and now it was almost Easter.

She had promised Ron around New Year's that she would try one more time to give him a child and then she was done with him sexually, he could have lovers and they would stay together, if they conceived. Otherwise they would divorce, she hadn't been happy in a while, no matter how much she had tried, and she really had tried. She then confessed that she never truly loved him in a romantic way and that she'd tried to get over Harry by being with him. Ron had flown into a rage and stormed from the room and tried to leave the house, but she'd cast a spell preventing him from leaving and he had left his wand in the room they'd been talking in. So, he had drunken himself into a stupor for three days until he was finally ready to sit down and let her explain.

And explain she did, to the best of her ability. About how even though she wasn't entirely sure when she'd fallen in love with Harry, whether it was in First Year when they'd saved her from that Troll or maybe even in Third Year when she and Harry used the Time Turner to save Buckbeak and Sirius. It took over four hours of near nonstop talking on her part to properly explain everything to him.

She explained that even dating Viktor Krum briefly in Fourth Year was a stab at Harry in her mind, though she didn't realize it until much later. Could he see the similarities? Both Harry and Viktor were famous and both were amazing Quidditch players. How she transferred her affection, or tried, to Ron in an attempt to follow and stay close to Harry, while also hoping she could get over him and be happy with Ron.

She finally told Ron why she'd cried for hours at the Potter wedding and that she'd sobbed off and on for months while no one was around both before and after the ceremony.

Ron was relieved to find out why she'd taken so long to agree to marry him, even though they'd been dating for so long.

It took hours, but Hermione finally explained everything to her husband and she felt relieved. The relief was short-lived before the quilt of everything she'd done and hadn't done settled in her mind.

Ron being Ron didn_'_t help her feel better_ "So, if you're so obsessed—I'm sorry in love with Harry, why has he never given you a try?"_

She was shocked and horrified by his question and how he had phrased it. After all that, did Ron belief her to be a tramp? Something to simply **try**? Did she not have any worth to him? Was she nothing, but a good shag to him?

Ron did nothing but sit and watch as she cried. He know what he'd say was horrible, he had grown up, but after all she'd put him through, pretending to love him for years, he felt no quilt at causing her pain.

She didn't know why she was so surprised with his question and its hurtful implications. This was Ron, he was known as being quite mean and feeling no remorse, thinking he was in no way wrong for saying what he had.

So she told him of her theory as to why Harry was in love with Ginny.

_"It's because she looks so much like him Mum Ron, he doesn't remember her at all...Well he remembers the night she and his Dad died and he's meet with their ghosts twice, do you remember him telling us? So I believe subconsciously he's trying to make sure his parents live, through he and Ginny. She looks kind of like his Mum and he looks almost exactly like his Dad. Also Ginny even sort of acts like a Mum, even before James was born, she'd sometimes act and look so much like your Mum it'd make Fred and George recoil. Of course, I really hope Harry has never noticed this, if he had it'd be quite disturbing."_

Ron had to admit that when put that way it did make sense, but was still rather disturbing...in an almost sweet kind of way. Mostly disturbing.

It still took nearly two weeks after their discussion for Ron to treat her like before, when they were still "happy."

Those two weeks were an insanely dark period in Hermione's life, or they'd be considered so if they war had never happened, still those weeks tried hard.

Ron drank more than ever, he even put his hand on her more than once during some of his alcohol-fueled rages. To make matters worse she had a feeling she that she was pregnant again. She hadn't had a chance to tell Ron, what with his drinking and her confession which caused said drinking. She definitely couldn't tell him now, she'd have to wait until he'd gotten over the shock and betrayal of her confession.

There were even a few good times, in between when the drinking started and when he'd drink himself to sleep.

He'd tell her that no matter what he still loved her, would always love her. That he never meant to hurt her, not physically or emotionally. That he was drinking so much because he hoped it would help him come to terms with the fact that she didn't love him.

There were also days when he'd cry and cry, whether drunk or not and continually ask her "_Why_?" Even though she'd already explained everything to him several different times at that point.

Nearly a week and a half into Ron's drinking binge Hermione got a completely unexpected knock on her door.

To her shock, horror, and pleasure, it was Harry! Apparently Ron had told the Auror office that he's taken sick and had never gotten a chance to turn in some reports from his last mission, so Kingsley had asked Harry to please collect them, since he lived so close by.

Hermione nervously brought Harry into the kitchen while she made them both a cup of tea before going to ask Ron about the papers. Oh how she didn't want him near Ron right now, granted when she'd left Ron less than an hour ago he'd fallen asleep, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't wake up and fly into another rage, especially because Harry was there.

An awkward silence settled around them, while Hermione busied herself making tea, the Muggle way. She knew right away that Harry would know something was wrong and was silently thanking Merlin because she could control her trembling hands.

She placed a silencing charm on the kettle so it wouldn't wake Ron, it had become a habit as of late. And began rambling to Harry. Asking about Ginny, Teddy and little James. Hoping they were in good health, but she stopped mid sentence when Harry had placed his hand on top of hers.

_"Hermione" _he_'_d whispered his fingers unconsciously caressing her hand_,__ "is everything alright? You act as if you're about to fall apart."_

Time stood still as she felt her heart begin to sing and shatter simultaneously. She knew it was just friendly concern making him ask, he thought of her like a sister.

_"Oh Harry, I'm just so worried_ _about_ _Ron,"_ she gushed breathlessly, _"h_e'_s_ _just_ _so ill._ _Nothing life threatening, but with the baby-"_ She stopped herself short, just one work too late and she swore she saw something flicker and die in his eyes, but it happened so quickly she wasn't sure if she actually saw it. She did notice that his fingers had stopped moving.

_"Baby?"_ He asked surprised.

_"Well yes,"_ she admitted tonelessly,_ "it's just a feeling I have, very much like last time, you see, but I haven't told Ron. I don't want to_ _get his hopes up for nothing."_ She'd smiled at him then, a cruel imitation of a smile, all broken dreams and false hopes.

At that exact moment, she knew her fate was sealed, something had closed between them and she was positive he knew it too.

She wordlessly stood up and left the room and went to Ron's study to collect his papers.

She gave them to Harry with a, _"Are these the correct ones? Were there any others?"_

_"Thanks 'Mione, this is exactly what I needed."_ He told her with a forced lightness in his voice, his eyes conveying what he could never say.

_"You're welcome Harry. Feel free to stop by anytime."_ She told him with a tired smile, letting him know she understood, though her eyes let him know she hated it as much as his eyes seemed to be saying.

He kissed her cheek lightly before turning and walking himself out.

How she kept it together long enough to make sure he was gone, check to see if Ron was still asleep and to put up a decent silencing charm in her bathroom she will never know, but she somehow managed it. She stayed in that bathroom for the rest of the afternoon and well into the night, through Ron's searching for her. She heard him settle in front of the door sometime around dawn, and never heard him leave until she herself left the bathroom the later that evening.

He didn't hold her while she cried and after crying almost the entire time in the bathroom, she didn't know how she could still cry.

Months and months passed, she finally told Ron about the baby right after she began to show and she gave birth to a beautiful little girl that she and Ron names Emma Rose.

Harry and Ginny's son James was a happy 3 year old and fascinated, or as fascinated as a 3 year old can be, with baby Emma.

Hermione never told Ron about her and Harry's silent conversation and she and Harry never discussed it.

There were times when Hermione thought that Harry might of told Ginny about it, she'd give Hermione certain looks that practically screamed 'You tramp, back the fuck up', but Ginny never acted any differently towards her or cornered her and demanded an explanation. So who knows, maybe Ginny gave every other witch that same expression from time to time, to remind them who wore the ring.

Sometimes, Hermione and Harry's eyes would meet. His eye's would always grow very soft for a few precious seconds before his eyes would go back to normal and he'd look away as if nothing had happened.

After he'd look away she'd keep glancing back at him, waiting, wanting their eyes to meet, to feel connected to him. To know that he too wondered about her. And she resolved that someday soon she would try to reopen that shut door, she would fight fate if she must all to see where things would go from here, but maybe not until Emma was older and could better understand why Mummy was leaving Daddy for Uncle Harry.

The one thing she knew for certain, she would teach her daughter that if you wanted something, you must try to obtain it, but you must stay true to yourself to do so otherwise what would the prize be worth?

Author's Note - Hi everybody! This is the first thing I've written in a while and I'd like to thank you for reading. I would also like to apologize because this is a one shot.

Read and leave a Review if you'd like!


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